Am I Old Enough To Be a Grandmother?

Today is my birthday. Yes, happy birthday to me. Shawn is out of town this week, so I am celebrating amongst animals this year. Polli, Gonzo, the fish and I will enjoy some cake and ice cream...OK, so the fish are dieting and will stick to their pellets, but I'll share with the Fids (furry/feathered kids).

So, I'm 34. I'm fine with that. After all, isn't 30 the new 20? I think that makes me phat or sick or off the hook fo-shizzle, dogg... or something like that. Thank goodness I'm 34 and not 24 as I don't think I could manage the texting lingo. (I pause for a moment and wonder what kind of new overuse injuries will be discovered from the texting revolution).

Do I feel older? I don't know. No, not really. I feel like I've spent the past year chasing down notaries and worrying about doctor's letters. I haven't had time to think about getting older...and not caring one way or the other. I'm not getting carded as much anymore if that is a sign of age. Some days I'm insulted if they forget. Other days, I'm insulted if they remember.

Yes, my metabolism is slowing; I'm no longer struggling to keep weight ON. Granted, I have no weight problem and am pretty happy with everything except for these lumpy things showing up on my thighs. Gone are the days of eating whatever I want. Sigh.

Yes, I can see the veins in my legs; I woke up to new spider vein the other day after scratching my leg in the night and waking to a horrible burning pain where I scratched. Is that really how they happen? Sigh.

Yes, I can see where I had been squinting...several minutes after I stopped squinting. Oops. I guess I should stop straining at my computer screen. I made a bee line for the "Anti-Aging" aisle after this discovery. If there is one thing I would like to put off as long as possible, it's wrinkles. I picked up some sunscreen, too. Gone are the days of baking in the sun. Sigh.

Other than these things I guess I'm OK with getting older. Most people think I'm younger, which means I'm older, but not getting the respect that I thought I would earn as I aged. I suppose I need to pick my battles.

Here is something that dawned on me the other day that I had to pull out a calculator to accept:

When my mom turned 34, she was a grandmother for the first time by 4 days. 34. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that my mom and sister were young mothers.... Here I am turning 34 and I question myself every minute of every day whether I am capable of being a good mom -setting aside my selfish actions, laziness, personal priorities-to make this little person number one. I couldn't begin to imagine how difficult that must be at such a young age when it was kind of their job to be irresponsible, immature, messy, lazy, careless and without priorities.

I guess it's this revelation that made me realize that we're built with a defense mechanism that makes us want to put that little person first and that outfit at Nordstrom second...and the free pass to make mistakes while we figure out what the heck we're doing. So scary. A dog is hard enough to figure out!

So, here I am in the picture above (earlier this year...I don't have anything new) along with my mom and sister all at 34 (My sister and I don't really get along, so she'll be so glad to know that I broadcasted her picture across cyberspace). As for my mom, she says she doesn't know how old she is in this picture...but we'll give her a free pass to say that she's 34 here. I think a grandma of a 23 and almost 20 year old...and soon to be grandma of a 15 month old, has earned a get out of jail free card.

As I head off to enjoy my chirp/bark birthday party, I thought I would say goodbye as though I were 24 instead of 34. I did some warm ups first so as not to injure my thumbs. Here goes...

TTFN FNs OMG DAT WZ HRD TNT

Car Seat Anxiety Attacks

Have other generations of mothers felt this much pressure to choose the right car seat? I've said all along that I won't skimp on a car seat. Maybe on the stroller or Target/Outlet mall play clothes, but never the car seat. For months, and based on many online mom comments, I had my mind set on a Britax. If I've taken anything away from my adoption and parenting research it's that if I didn't buy a Britax, I would be putting my child's life at risk every time we got in the car. Truly, I could hear the cyber gasps as I browsed to the Evenflo or Graco websites...and I had 2 total strangers tisk/tisk me(in 2 different stores)as I looked at non-Britax car seats, pushing their carts as fast as they could away from me- the soon to be child abuser.

This led to many late night computer cookies spent browsing every Googlable site for info about what car seat to buy. Every page came back to Britax. Ugghhh! I said I won't be a trendy "keep up with the Jones's" mom and I'm bound and determined to stick to that. My child will be able to have sugar from time to time... will be allowed to get dirty...and will be able to watch TV (I watched a lot of it growing up and managed to develop an appreciation for the outdoors, reading, and learning, despite the evils of Nickelodeon, Saturday morning cartoons, and PG movies). Note: in a 1980-something lapse of judgement, my mom did let me watch Cheech and Chong and Fast Times @ Ridgemont High when I was pretty young and I understood none of it. I also never remember being in a car seat. Ever. It doesn't mean I wasn't in one at some point, but at some point shortly after infancy, we all just jumped in the car, gave no thought to the seat belts buried deep under the seats of our station wagon, and...dad with beer in hand (it's OK, it was before the DUI was invented)...took off at mach speed toward our destination... I don't even think there was such a thing as a booster back then (I'm 33.9, so that means we're talking 1970's). I digress...

So, I came pretty close to buying a Britax because I never wanted to say I didn't put my child in the best car seat and thus regret it terribly after a car crash. I would also be lying if I didn't say that I also thought admiringly about the nods of approval from the other moms at my choice...wishing they too could have a Britax...However, someone on a message board made a great point: If it didn't meet US safety standards, it wouldn't be on the market. Ah! It was starting to become clear that the reason there was an overwhelming number of good reviews of this car seat is because they have a good marketing plan, cute colors, and thus more VOLUME in sales to generate more VOLUME in reviews. Some extra padding and a pink flowered cover is what came down to their success...not to mention the fact that they figured out that with few exceptions, Mom A wants what Mom B has . Smart fellers over there at Britax. Now, if they could only hide that RECALL section on their webpage...apparently the vast majority of the population hasn't looked at their website, just saw the cow print seat in the Volvo of that PTA gal with the Coach purse and $200 jeans. (Who knew it all went on the Mastercard!)

I started digging a little more into this perplexing world of car seats and found that there are many excellent models out there that can also serve multiple purposes. Since Ian will be close to or over 18 months old (and a chunky 18 months), I needed to find something that would grow with him...not just good for a year and then need to be upgraded to a booster.

After much research, I came across a brand that is making huge strides in child restraint safety, comfort, and flexibility... Recaro.

Recaro is a German sportscar seat manufacturer, which designs and engineers side impact systems and restraints for race & sport cars in Europe. They also have a child seat segment with branches in Asia and North America as well. As I read, I became more and more impressed with the amount of work that they have put into not only the safety design, but also the dynamics of the car seat to prevent slumping, back/neck strain, and increase visibility while maintaining side impact protection.

To top it off, the Recaro seat that fit my personal requirements (the Young Sport model) looks just like a sports car seat and is made out of a much softer and easier to clean microfiber fabric than the Britax models. It was less expensive too. I found it on an online website called tinyride.com for a good price with no sales tax and free shipping.

Once Shawn sees it, I'm hoping he will want to order the black/cobalt version for his truck...and we can all zoom zoom zoom without my guilt guilt guilt!!!

The Eagle Has Landed!

I didn't blog about the care package we sent last week because I spaced out and forgot to take pictures, but I tracked it today, and it looks like it is officially in China! It may be our only chance to send one, but I'm fine with that. My goal was to get a disposable camera and a photo album in their hands, and I confirmed that the nannies at his orphanage love to take pictures. I'm confident we'll get a camera full of great pictures back.

I also sent a translated list of questions that might be able to help us with transition once he's with us, and also asking for specifics on finding location, items left with him, friends/favorites/habits in the orphanage. All of these details will be important later on as I create his lifebook and begin telling him about his life in China.

In all, we sent the following items, all labeled with Ian's full Chinese name:

Translated questions for the director along with a translated thank you letter for their care of our son.

A Soft photo album with a picture of him and 5 pictures of Shawn and me - marked with Ian's Chinese name on his picture, and "Mama"/"Baba" on our pictures.

Two small hard plastic toys that will be easy for the nannies to keep clean. One panda with movable arms/legs, and one "pull back" car with "popcorn" balls that pop as the car moves. Polli tried them out and approves.

A lightweight blanket with a bit of my lotion rubbed into it.

An outfit that, after seeing his videos, I know won't fit him when he comes home, but will probably fit him now.

Tootsie pops for the kids. Sugar brings smiles to the faces of children the world over.

Almonds for the nannies

Disposable camera

In all, the package weighed 6 pounds and fit in a 12Lx10Wx6H box. I won't comment on what it cost to ship. My husband reads this occasionally! I've already had some explaining to do after posting a picture of Ian's closet. Apparently, Shawn doesn't go in there much.

What You Get for Your Money

I received an undisclosed amount of money from an undisclosed source to help with the task of outfitting our kid free home with the infinite number of items required to avoid the "worst mom on the planet" list.

I won't bore the world with my entire shopping list, but I will highlight one item that I am especially proud of.

Background info: I have been struggling with whether second hand items say "I don't want the best for my child". I knew I would never use a second hand car seat, but finally came to terms with the fact that we have 18 months LESS time to use temporary items such as a stroller, which means that our $ per use will be much higher...I probably put way more thought into it than necessary, but I was faced with one of several decisions:

1. Buy a cheap light to mid sized stroller for "mall crawling" and gamble that it will be crap that has to be replaced at some point before we're "stroller free".

2. Bite the bullet and buy a high end stroller of great quality...and run the risk that it turns out to be too much stroller and a waste of money.

3. Look into a second hand stroller that won't cost a fortune, meaning it if doesn't work out once he's home, I won't have a nervous breakdown.

On a whim, I checked Craigslist on Friday night, and came across a Peg Perego stroller that looked pretty nice, for $50. Better yet, it was located in my neighborhood. I emailed the woman asking if I could come by and see it. It turns out she is right around the corner and the previous next door neighbor to a couple we know. Small Small World.

So, I drove over Saturday morning at 10am and she came to the door in her PJ's (her kids were both stark naked eating waffles off the coffee table. Is that what Saturday mornings will become for me?). Anyway, the stroller was filthy...some windex and a paper towel wouldn't have killed her... but otherwise it was really nice. It's 3 years old, but she hasn't used it since her 14 month old was born and she converted to a double stroller.

We talked about adoption for a while (she relayed a story about a friend trying to adopt twins from Nevada, whose birthparents have come and taken them back twice). I finally paid her the $50, got a quick lesson in how to fold a stroller, lock/unlock the wheels, etc. (who knew a stroller could be so complicated?), and I left with my new "not-so-gently used" stroller. With a little steamcleaning, some Purell, and Febreeze, I think it will do everything I need it to.

After cleaning it, I decided to test the weight limits. Yep, it can handle 30 pounds without a problem. Thanks, Polli for being my spokesmodel!

Now, I WILL invest in a good quality all-terrain 3-wheel number for walks around our neighborhood and the dog park. Something quality that call handle gravel, grass, curbs, etc. will go a long way in our neighborhood, and they have good resale value. As you can see, Craigslist works.

Next battle: Do I have to join the Britax cult to avoid a car seat guilt driven nervous breakdown?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming!

Today marks a full calendar month since we sent off our LOI and we probably have another 4-8 weeks to go until LOA, which is China's final "are you sure you want to get yourself into this?" plea before they prepare our Travel Approval (another 4-6 weeks after LOA, give or take).

In the past month, we have gotten pictures and a video from a generous traveling family, a video from our agency from "who knows" and today, more new pictures of Ian from the parents of the person who moderates the Wenzhou Yahoo group. Her parents live in Wenzhou and visit the kids regularly.

Once again, things like this restore my faith in humanity a bit. Check out the most recent pics of Ian. He's only a couple of weeks older than the previous pics and looks like he just woke up, but still...every day he's there and not here is too long.

I would love more pictures of his ear. They seem to always position that ear away from the camera. I would also love to see him crawling, not just on his tummy. I HAVE to find something to worry about in every picture and video, so in this instance, I'll obsess over the fact that he's not in motion.... Tomorrow I'll realize that's fine and will have moved onto worrying about something else.

Ian- Episode One

So, literally hours after uploading the first video of Ian, our agency called stating that they had a video of Ian! We half expected it to be a copied copy from the family that sent it to us...sent to the orphanage...then set to our agency.

As it turns out, it is a few weeks earlier and shows Ian at play. While he isn't walking yet, it looks like his legs are itching to do something other than scoot. Notice the lack of tears when he gets his toys snatched away by another little boy. That's OK. He'll get his payback later when he steals that skinny kiddo's bottle... now I know why he's so chubby! :-)

In this video, I also see a little boy with cleft lip/palate that we reviewed a file on along with Ian's(he found a family at the same time) and another little boy who is still waiting on our agency's list who is completely healthy except for a port wine stain on his face. Yes, a birthmark is considered a special need in China.

If anyone is interested in info on him, please email me and I'll see what info I can get for you from my agency rep.

So, here it is... Ian at play (with some rockin Chinese tunes playing in lieu of nanny chatter).

Ian Mrzena- The Motion Picture

A wonderful family from Arizona recently visited Ian's Child Welfare Institute in Wenzhou, China and graciously took pictures as well as a video of him for us. This was a huge milestone because it proves that he is a living, breathing baby...and a big one. This kid hasn't missed a meal and we couldn't be happier about that fact.

So without delay, please enjoy a few minutes of what is obviously toddler chaos in the Wenzhou CWI...and a quiet, observant Ian stuck in the middle of it all!

A Child's Right

For those who walk up to the faucet or fridge door for a cool clean glass of ice water as the whim strikes, you are in the minority worldwide. Clean drinking water is a dream, not a commodity in much of the world today. In the age we live in, this is, in my opinion, not only a shame, but a crime against humanity.

An organization called A Child's Right (headquartered in nearby Tacoma, Washington), is an organization dedicated to bringing vital water filtration systems to the areas of the world that need it the most. They recently completed a project that assisted thousands of children in the hardest hit areas of China. Please click here to visit their website to learn more about their cause, but also to view hundreds of pictures from their time in Child Welfare Institutes (orphanages) in China. If you've ever wanted to see the inside of an orphanage, here is your chance. It's very worth taking the time to browse the pictures.

For me, I know Ian is one of those kids (theoretically...they didn't visit his province), but more importantly, it gives you an idea of just how many are waiting.

Below are a handful of my favorites from the China slideshow on the A Child's Right website.

When it comes time to make your annual charitable contributions (or the next time you have a nice cold glass of water) consider this cause.

This Boy's Got Gear

Ian has no idea we exist at this point, yet he already has the swag of most little boys his age.

We decided to hold off on ordering his crib for a couple of weeks while Shawn warms up to the idea of how much kids cost. In the meantime, we're buying some of the smaller items that we'll need before travel. This past weekend, after much research, I decided $400 for crib bedding is ridiculous, and bought a set I really liked from Pottery Barn Kids.

Although I don't remember my baby bedding and I personally think it's ridiculous to spend so much money on something that is bound to meet it's first diaper blowout within days of use, I also feel like this is my first and possibly only child, so I don't really want to buy something that is cheap and tacky either.

I wanted something that isn't too cutesy or babyish and since the crib we plan on buying will transition to a toddler bed, I wanted something that would also transition well to a big boy theme.

If all that weren't enough, we also wanted to avoid sensory overload when he gets home, so we decided to go with something in muted colors and images.

Keeping these things in mind, I found the "Vintage Planes" set at Pottery Barn Kids and bought several pieces. They have a 1 year return policy and since we might not even need the bumper (if he's strong enough to use it as a step to hoist himself out of his crib) we'll be able to take it back if we decide we don't really need it.

I was so impressed with their customer service in the store that I decided to register for the few items they carry that won't send my friends and family into bankruptcy.

I also included a picture of Ian's clothing collection so far. It's hard to tell in the picture, but he has 42 items hanging (many non hanging items still in bags). Of the items hanging, they inventory as follows:

2 Jackets
7 PJ's
7 Rompers
4 Overalls
5 Polo Shirts
2 Button Down Shirts
1 Tank Top (on clearance...it was really cute. Although it'll probably be in the 50's if not colder when he arrives home. Yikes)
7 Tee Shirts
3 Shorts (See the note about 50's)
4 Pants


Everything except for 2 items were at Outlet or Clearance prices and since we really have no idea how big he'll be when we travel to him, I was rolling the dice every time I handed over the debit card. When I saw his most recent picture, I could feel the panic hit. Many of those items are size 12 months (assuming he would be they typical skinny butt Chinese boy that I see in so many blogs). Heck no, this boy is going to be big by all accounts so far. Stay tuned for a link to my NWT (new with tags) section on Ebay in a couple of months.

Please note that there is no fancy presentation to the pictures above. My laptop died and is in the shop (for 3 weeks!!!!) and all of my software and digital scrap stuff is saved there. I may die from withdrawls. By the way, I would like to use this public forum to tell the world never to buy a computer at Best Buy. Their customer service is awful and their "Geek Squad" knows less than I do about computers. They are sending my laptop to California to do what equals about 30 minutes of work for work that most kids are coming out of high school knowing. So, Best Buy doesn't stand behind the products they sell. Pass it on.

And if you get the chance, check out the Pottery Barn Kids store or their catalog. Their customer service doesn't stink and a good majority of their products are worth the money in my opinion.

A New Picture!

Is this the same little boy we laid eyes on for the first time only weeks ago? The same little bald head in those first grainy pictures emailed, then printed, then printed again, then scanned, then uploaded?

It is! Believe it or not, this little guy is growing up with or without us. Although we had no idea how old those first pictures were, we now know for sure that he is exactly 14 months old in this one.

A family taking their daughter on her heritage trip to Wenzhou was extremely kind and offered to take pictures of Ian for us. I was floored by the generosity. It literally brought tears to my eyes.

He looks very healthy, is starting to grow hair like no tomorrow, and is CHUBBY! So much for those 12 month clothes I've bought so far. He is not walking yet, but probably will be soon. I'm sure he'll be zooming around like no tomorrow by the time we travel!

A special thank you to Dana and her family for visiting Ian's CWI and taking the time to see him. It confirmed for us that he is happy, healthy, and waiting patiently for us to come get him.

Hopefully he'll have other visitors on our behalf soon...and a doctor's visit (that I'm sure he won't appreciate) to get new measurements. He's bound to start wondering why all the special treatment. Hopefully his caretakers are telling him he has a mama & baba coming for him...and hopefully he understands what that means.

Next step: We're ordering his furniture and bedding this weekend!