Things Experienced Moms Keep Secret (Part 1)
I know for a fact already that these are just drops in the bucket of motherhood compared to all then things I'll learn about once Ian's home... But here are the things that I'm finding my mom, friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers never told me about:
- There's a reason why kids are tax deductible.
- You can't return diapers. I am expected to guess whether Ian will wear size 3, 4, or 5... and they don't sell these suckers in 6-packs.
- There is no way to practice walking my dog while pushing a stroller...without looking like a complete nut job.
- Hangovers, jet lag, and illness are for childless couples.
- The best way to fit in something frivolous, like a shower, once Ian is home will be to strap him to a stationary device for 15 minutes. They've cleverly named these things "Exersaucers and pack n plays", but they are really just large handcuffs with cute toys attached.
- HSM2 is not a vaccination...and made more money than T3.
- Single moms with well fed, educated, and adjusted children are miracle workers.
- Everyone assumes you want their parenting advice.
- Those families at the movie theater, popcorn and soda in every hand, have money trees growing in their back yards.
- People actually buy brand name Crocs and Keen sandals for growing feet (witnessed hundreds of parents buying child sized Keens at REI for $40 a pop today...on sale).
- In 8 more weeks, we will have to reschedule future "sleeping in" for after retirement.
- Baby dressers cannot be carried up a flight of stairs without inviting half the family over and buying everyone lunch.
- Daycare costs as much per month as a 5-Day Caribbean cruise for 2.
My favorite is the diapers!
ReplyDelete"People actually buy brand name Crocs and Keen sandals for growing feet (witnessed hundreds of parents buying child sized Keens at REI for $40 a pop today...on sale)."
ReplyDeleteyes they do, g-- love 'em and then ten minutes after they've purchased them, their child outgrows them and they end up in the second hand store so that you can buy them for your child for a song!!!!!! I got my #2 the most excellent pair of real doc maartens [who in their right mind buys $60 shoes for a 4-5 year old??!?!?!?] which she wore with great glee for a year. They still look new--hardly a murmur of wear--and I will be passing them down to #3.
So love those people with the big fat wallets and the paucity of common sense--as the mother of a son, you will need SOMEONE to buy the nice stuff so you can get it on re-sale.
Just wait until you see how fast boys outgrow/wear out pants and burn out shoes! My #1 child [a boy] wore nothing but really nice 2d hand stuff for the 1st couple of years. Then, alas, boy syndrome hit [where they shred the knees of the pants and do heaven knows what to the shirts] and there were no more nice 2d hand things for his size/age.
congrats on your son!
You may not even need diapers! A girl in our travel group was 14 months old at Gotcha day and she was already potty trained! Wouldn't that be nice! Mine is almost 3 and still wears diapers to bed!
ReplyDeleteRobin