Who are the Special Needs Children?

Few people who know of our adoption plan are aware that we are considering the Waiting Child or Special Needs route. From my newly constructed soap box, let me explain the similarities and differences as I've discovered them through my research:

Waiting Children- Waiting kids are typically the children who are "paper ready", but just aren't chosen. Paper ready means that their orphanage has filled out the proper paperwork allowing them to be adopted internationally.

Most often, these kids are boys who are either beyond the desirable infant age classification, or have a Special Need. Some girls make the list and many with correctable issues, but just not as many and they don't stick around long. Look at almost any website, blog, book, or forum regarding Chinese adoption, and you'll see a million references to the "Lost girls of China", or "Waiting for ", but almost no references ever to boys. Many people simply come to China adoption because they want to be guaranteed a girl. There's nothing wrong with that. After all, we want to be guaranteed a boy and many don't understand why we're adopting from China. However, there are boys, but they simply get passed over again and again.

Unfortunately, many boys "age out", meaning they never get chosen and either leave the orphanage at 14 or, in the larger facilities, stay on as permanent residents, becoming a caretaker or worker of some kind. Because most orphanages are also hospitals or "elderly facilities", those with considerable needs have a place to stay, but again, without parents or any sense of identity or root system. 9 times out of 10, though, the healthy or healthy-ish kids must leave and find jobs or wind up homeless...14 years old. What a burden. These poor kids were simply forgotten and are among thousands of others who will never find parents of their own. Considering that they account for about a thousandth of a percent of China's population, they really are "lost in the system" in every sense of the phrase.

Special Needs- Take a look at almost any agencies Waiting Children's lists for China and you'll see right away that they are almost all boys that range from 1 to 14, some with severe medical needs ranging from paralysis to down's syndrome with everything in between. The most common special need in Asia is Cleft Lip and Palate. These boys are often abandoned because they are no longer the idea of the perfect son, who may not meet the cultural standard that identifies them as healthy and able to care for parents in old age and carry on the family history, including good genes. With a facial disfigurement or scar, he may not find a good job or a good wife (who will also take care of them as they age). More than anything else, this simply means big medical bills. There is no question that they love their children and don't want to give them up, but the one child law combined with cultural standards means that they really have to be picky. The reasoning must be that they'll try again for a child better suited to their cultural and social standings.

This is why we decided to go the special needs route, most likely a Cleft affected child. These are boys with a need that can be resolved almost completely with a simple surgical procedure, by US standards. Yes, there are sometimes speech and dental needs as well as additional surgeries later in life to correct small issues, but overall, it is almost a non issue. To give one of these little guys a chance at all the opportunities life has to offer was a no-brainer for us. We also have some of the best pediatric craniofacial doctors in the US and world, right here in Seattle at Children's Medical Center (hey, the people at Children's pretty much saved my premature life, so I have no problem trusting them with my child).

There are other special needs that are correctable, such as club hand/foot. I always thought this was when their limb looked like a club. So much for my great medical knowledge. Typically, it just means that the limb was twisted in the womb and needs to be straightened. Again, there may be some residual effects, but nothing we can't work through.

There are also limb differences or missing digits, which may, if deemed necessary, can be corrected with surgery or prosthetics. That's a little less "correctable" and a little more "get over it world", but that's OK, too.

Lets not forget the kids with birthmarks. Yes, birthmarks.

Regardless, these little ones really deserve a shot at a real life and should not be subject to the "scratch and dent" pile. I think we just happened to get lucky and figure all this out early on in the process.

I'll elaborate on Cleft Lip/Palate in a future entry.